I started to write this post in March! I was inspired by a friend’s grandson who was applying for a place on a teacher training programme in Scotland. It’s a competitive field, and he’d recently had a ‘no’ from his preferred university. He was, of course, disappointed. However, within a couple of days, he’d regrouped – he still had other options and, if these didn’t work out, he knew what he was going to do to strengthen his application next year. I’m happy to report that, in the time that it’s taken to get around to posting this, he has secured a place and recently started his course.
This story is a beautiful tale of everyday perseverance: seeing a setback as data to inform what happens next. It reflects the kind of resilience that’s required when we develop a new practice or change an existing one. This is a theme that’s been much on my mind while I’ve been writing my new book.
The book is called Approaching Difference Differently and it focuses on changing practice in our leadership conversations. A key theme is that dialogue, not debate, is the conversational form that’s most appropriate for exploring our differences. A second theme is that, when we’re faced with difference, our autonomic nervous system is activated, prompting us to fight, flee or freeze. Essentially, our body gets involved. Therefore, to handle difference skilfully, we work with our body as well as our mind.
To embody a change in practice in our conversations takes time, effort and repetition. We have to embed new ways of engaging with each other in our ‘muscle memory’. This is quite different to grasping and applying an idea – it takes dedication and perseverance. Further, as we try new approaches, we’re bound to misjudge things, make mistakes and encounter setbacks. When this happens, what inspires us to regroup, refine and try again?
In a parallel process, I’ve had to persevere with the book, drawing deeply on my personal reserves. Getting it into publishable shape has proved … challenging, much more so than my previous two books. I’ve experienced weariness, frustration, self-doubt, exhaustion, despair … and, somehow, I keep finding the fortitude to renew my efforts each day. I’m persevering.
Along the way, I’ve found inspiration in unexpected places – such as my friend’s grandson. Then, in May, my dear friend Kay Young posted a moving piece about her daughter, Heather, who ran 104 miles in just under 26.5 hours. Imagine running over 100 miles, some of it in darkness! I can barely grasp this feat of endurance – or the courage, strength and discipline it calls for. I’m humbled and inspired in equal measure – because surely getting a book together doesn’t compare!
And yet comparison is meaningless – whenever we’re stretched beyond our limits, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, we have to dig deep in order to persevere, to keep faith with ourselves and to see our commitment through. We may be running 100 miles, or taking one step of rehabilitation after illness or surgery. We may be following a dream for which the outcome is uncertain, such as applying for a course or job, finding a partner, or becoming an artist, musician or athlete. We may be taking care of a child, parent or other family member and facing the challenges of this responsibility. We may be turning up for another shift in a public service setting, without having had enough sleep. Or … or … or …
Reflecting on this, I recalled part of ‘The Invitation’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:
… I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done …
This inspired me to re-read the whole poem and I realised that it contains themes such as:
- can we stay open to possibility?
- can we resource ourselves from within?
- can we find beauty, joy and courage in the trials of life?
The penultimate verse reads:
… I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
In the adversities of life, what motivates and inspires you? How do you persevere?
Contemplations
- Which of your commitments repeatedly challenges you, and in what ways?
- What sustains you and makes it possible for you to persevere?
